Why Social Media Is So Hard to Put Down: An Old Need in a Digital Crowd

Written in 2025, before the book, while I was learning to think with early AI tools, and revised in October 2026. My thinking has moved on since; for where it stands now, see the framework.

Introduction

Billions of people now post, like, share and scroll every day. Social media has spread fast, from a few college networks in 2004 to more than five billion users today. That speed and that volume are telling us something. They point to needs that were there long before the platforms.

I grew up before any of this, in a small Devon town where being part of something meant turning up: face-to-face conversations, reading people’s faces, friendships that took effort. My children grew up with social media already in place, and for them it is not an add-on but part of how they belong. This essay is about why it is so hard to put down, and what that says about us.

The Old Need

The pull starts with something old and honest. People have always needed to be seen and heard by those around them. For most of our history we lived in small groups, where being noticed and accepted meant protection and a place. We also notice what is new, because new things once meant food or danger. Those needs haven’t gone anywhere.

Social media meets them quickly. A like, a share or a notification is a small sign that someone noticed you, and the feed never runs out of something new. It is also easier than meeting in person: you can post when you like, choose what to show and avoid the awkward moments. Real bonds ask more of us. They depend on small signals like tone and body language, and on both people giving something back, and that is how trust and empathy grow.

Posting works the same way. People post to be heard, but in a crowd of billions a post is more often counted than heard, which can push it towards performance or outrage.

Why It Doesn’t Settle

So why is it so hard to put down? Part of the answer is that the signs never add up to enough. A like count can always go higher, and there is always someone with more. Each post gets a brief answer, and then the question of whether you were noticed is open again. People come back for more. That isn’t weakness. The need underneath is to be known by other people, and a number can’t meet it.

What It Costs

Feeds tend to favour what stirs strong feeling, because that is what people respond to, and polarising posts travel further than careful ones. Users now spend more than two hours a day on social media on average. Studies of young people link heavy use with higher rates of depression and anxiety, though they show a link, not proof that one causes the other.

The volume also reflects what has been lost elsewhere. As physical communities have thinned, through moving for work, working from home and the pandemic years, and as loneliness has grown, many people have looked for belonging online. The feed can deepen the isolation it promises to ease, by putting counts where depth used to be.

Two Generations

For people of my age, who grew up before notifications, being seen and heard took effort, and much of the online frenzy can look excessive. Many of us use it sparingly, to keep up with news or old friends. For people who grew up with it, like my children, it is simply where belonging happens. Likes can come to stand for approval, and the pace of trends sets the pace of life. Surveys suggest younger people use social media more, and that heavy use goes with more anxiety. The need is the same at every age; what differs is how early the count became part of it.

Identity

Questions of identity sit close to all this, because a feed is one of the places people work out who they are. A more contested question is whether this extends to gender dysphoria. Some commentators argue that social media’s novelty-driven trends and peer influences can turn the ordinary unease of adolescence into a fixed identity, a view sometimes labelled Rapid-Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD). Others point out that ROGD is not a recognised diagnosis, that the research behind it has been strongly criticised, and that online communities also give young people support and room to explore. The evidence is still disputed, so this is a question to hold carefully.

Conclusion

Social media is hard to put down because it answers an old and honest need, quickly and without end. The need to be seen is real. But a like count can’t tell you that you’ve arrived, because there is always another one. Since writing this, I’ve come to think that is the heart of it. The framework explains why some questions about ourselves can’t close, however many answers come back.

References

• DataReportal (2025). Global social media statistics.
• Statista (2025). Daily time spent on social networking worldwide.
• Ro, C. (2019). Dunbar’s number: Why we can only maintain 150 relationships. BBC Future.
• Vidal, C., Lhaksampa, T., Miller, L. and Platt, R. (2020). Social media use and depression in adolescents: a scoping review. International Review of Psychiatry, 32(3), 235–253.